To those of you who don’t live in Minnesota (or further north), or who have the money and time for warm-weather trips during winter; those of you who have not had snow storms all winter take away your stadiums, half the city’s parking spots, and nearly all of your own will to live; those of you who have worn shorts in the last 8 months, have said, “god it’s hot,” who have been able to walk to your car in the morning, get in and drive away and not think about scraping, warming it up, or digging out. To those of you who haven’t lived through this winter thinking all your friends have started to hate you, that all your talents are imagined, and that each new day just may be the one that breaks you, let me say that you have no idea why breaks are so damn important.
That was too much. Sorry, I’m pretty out of practice writing bloggy stuff. After spending the last year or so focusing as much as possible on fiction, I’ve had a few requests pile up for an update on me and Jenny and the whole cast of oddballs in our lives.
Things are going well.
That was not enough. Still knockin’ off the rust.
Things are going well, so well in fact, that we both planned little breaks this week. See, one of the main rules we have always kept constant in the realm of our open relationship was that we slept together, every night, in our own bed. This means coming home late or leaving a date early to make sure that the bed is achieved safely and consistently, and the space of our bed is important (nearly sacred) to our relationship. As a symbol, and as a reality that it’s nice to sleep next to and wrapped around each other, sleeping together is one of those anchors we have built in to our relationship. However, you can’t go on a cruise without raising the anchors on the boat, right?
After this long winter, we both needed a break. We didn’t have the money to go anywhere we really wanted to go, and didn’t have the time to head back to the elderly-sexopolis of the Villages in Florida, where we went two years ago (My diary of the trip is worth a read if you’ve never heard of the Villages, or enjoy pictures of tricked out golf carts). This need to do something to shake off the inauspicious weather and the pervasive evidence that perhaps this winter would never end, coupled with a few happy reasons for celebration, led us to hoist anchor on what had been our most cardinal rule.
Wait, good things happen in winter? They do! They do!
You see, Jenny’s boyfriend Eric got a new job, a job he had been hoping for and was awfully excited about. Also, you see, John’s girlfriend got to stop being his monogamously-entangled-girl-that-was-his-girlfriend, and though she probably isn’t his girlfriend again yet, at least isn’t certainly not his girlfriend. Ok, so Jenny’s thing was a little more concrete, but still.
So, night-out’s were planned by both dynamic duo’s, and to make things more special, we decided to extend the night all the way until morning, just this once.
At this point, I could give you a short answer to the question of how things are going. Watch: How are things going? Well enough that we can break our rules.
Jenny and I started our open relationship more than a hand’s-full of years ago with a ton of rules regarding who we could see and when, what we could do while we were with them, how often and how detailed our check-ins with each other needed to be, and rules on physical affection so puritanical that it was more like cracking the door a bit on our relationship rather than really opening it up. We needed those rules to keep us calm, to make sure nothing went too far before we were ready, and because we’re both the type of person who tends to over-plan.
As we’ve become more comfortable with seeing other people, we’ve shed rules and pushed boundaries. The central ideas have stayed the same as rules have changed. Our relationship is the most important thing to us, but not so important that we can ignore or manipulate any other person. We went into our open relationship thinking that we could work something out that would be positive and enjoyable for everyone involved. We were totally right.
A few nights ago, I slept wrapped over a girl I’ve cared dearly for for over five years. We started the night eating a dinner she made and drinking too much of the wine I brought. We watched half a movie before we became more interested in each other. We went to bed and read, side by side, falling asleep before 10:30 and enjoying a warm night ignoring the drunks outside coming home from downtown. I woke up missing my house and my wife and with a smile on my face that hasn’t really gone away since. A few mornings before that, Jenny came home from her night with Eric. They went out for fancy dinner at a place where meals cost as much as ipods, then went back to his house for about as much sleep as a middle school sleepover. We figured a night away would give us the break we needed and give us some much-appreciated closeness with some people who really deserved it. We were totally right.
I’m writing this post on Sunday. It’s 74 degrees outside today and there’s a very fuzzy sounding spring storm on the way. It’s been almost seven months since it’s been above 70 in my state, and on the way into the grocery store this morning a cute girl smiled and said hi to me just because. To those of you who don’t live in Minnesota, I hope you have something where you’re from that feels as good as the first spring day.
That was too much. Sorry, I’m pretty out of practice writing bloggy stuff. After spending the last year or so focusing as much as possible on fiction, I’ve had a few requests pile up for an update on me and Jenny and the whole cast of oddballs in our lives.
Things are going well.
That was not enough. Still knockin’ off the rust.
Things are going well, so well in fact, that we both planned little breaks this week. See, one of the main rules we have always kept constant in the realm of our open relationship was that we slept together, every night, in our own bed. This means coming home late or leaving a date early to make sure that the bed is achieved safely and consistently, and the space of our bed is important (nearly sacred) to our relationship. As a symbol, and as a reality that it’s nice to sleep next to and wrapped around each other, sleeping together is one of those anchors we have built in to our relationship. However, you can’t go on a cruise without raising the anchors on the boat, right?
After this long winter, we both needed a break. We didn’t have the money to go anywhere we really wanted to go, and didn’t have the time to head back to the elderly-sexopolis of the Villages in Florida, where we went two years ago (My diary of the trip is worth a read if you’ve never heard of the Villages, or enjoy pictures of tricked out golf carts). This need to do something to shake off the inauspicious weather and the pervasive evidence that perhaps this winter would never end, coupled with a few happy reasons for celebration, led us to hoist anchor on what had been our most cardinal rule.
Wait, good things happen in winter? They do! They do!
You see, Jenny’s boyfriend Eric got a new job, a job he had been hoping for and was awfully excited about. Also, you see, John’s girlfriend got to stop being his monogamously-entangled-girl-that-was-his-girlfriend, and though she probably isn’t his girlfriend again yet, at least isn’t certainly not his girlfriend. Ok, so Jenny’s thing was a little more concrete, but still.
So, night-out’s were planned by both dynamic duo’s, and to make things more special, we decided to extend the night all the way until morning, just this once.
At this point, I could give you a short answer to the question of how things are going. Watch: How are things going? Well enough that we can break our rules.
Jenny and I started our open relationship more than a hand’s-full of years ago with a ton of rules regarding who we could see and when, what we could do while we were with them, how often and how detailed our check-ins with each other needed to be, and rules on physical affection so puritanical that it was more like cracking the door a bit on our relationship rather than really opening it up. We needed those rules to keep us calm, to make sure nothing went too far before we were ready, and because we’re both the type of person who tends to over-plan.
As we’ve become more comfortable with seeing other people, we’ve shed rules and pushed boundaries. The central ideas have stayed the same as rules have changed. Our relationship is the most important thing to us, but not so important that we can ignore or manipulate any other person. We went into our open relationship thinking that we could work something out that would be positive and enjoyable for everyone involved. We were totally right.
A few nights ago, I slept wrapped over a girl I’ve cared dearly for for over five years. We started the night eating a dinner she made and drinking too much of the wine I brought. We watched half a movie before we became more interested in each other. We went to bed and read, side by side, falling asleep before 10:30 and enjoying a warm night ignoring the drunks outside coming home from downtown. I woke up missing my house and my wife and with a smile on my face that hasn’t really gone away since. A few mornings before that, Jenny came home from her night with Eric. They went out for fancy dinner at a place where meals cost as much as ipods, then went back to his house for about as much sleep as a middle school sleepover. We figured a night away would give us the break we needed and give us some much-appreciated closeness with some people who really deserved it. We were totally right.
I’m writing this post on Sunday. It’s 74 degrees outside today and there’s a very fuzzy sounding spring storm on the way. It’s been almost seven months since it’s been above 70 in my state, and on the way into the grocery store this morning a cute girl smiled and said hi to me just because. To those of you who don’t live in Minnesota, I hope you have something where you’re from that feels as good as the first spring day.
2 comments:
If you don't mind my asking, are you and Tally still going strong?
-S.
Oh this made me tear up. So lovely to hear how it works for you.
Post a Comment