Sunday, January 10, 2010


Yesterday, Jenny and I went to a meeting of Polyamorous people in Minneapolis. We've both been toying with the idea of really getting some community in our lives. Some community. A community.

The group wasn't going to be perfect. I wouldn't necessarily call us 'polyamorous,' though we sometimes flirt with fitting the definition. Much like the word 'swinger,' I feel like 'poly' comes with some things that don't fit me and Jenny well. We aren't, and will likely never, seek a third person to join us, though we both welcome people outside of our relationship. We've had loving relationships with other people, but... well... here's the line with me: I don't want to have a big group of friends who all kiss each other on the mouth every time they see each other.

So, we went to the Poly group to see what was the be seen, meet who there was to be met. We went, we waited. Jenny had another thing going that weekend, so we were only going to be able to stay for about a half hour or so. We got there a little early, but didn't see anyone who looked like they were waiting for anyone. We waited for about 10 minutes, and still, all of the people who were there were obviously not part of a group.

We left after just over thirty minutes, and the coffee shop had done little but clear out more in that time.

When I got home, I checked their website again, and noticed a little note on the bottom of the calendar that said the group often starts late, so people may want to not actually come until a half hour or more after the scheduled time.

Why, I wonder, don't they just schedule it for a later time? Oh well.

The time spent sipping coffee and looking for the stuffed mascot that was supposed to signal the poly group was spent instead talking about starting our own group. It's an idea we've tossed around more and more lately.

This post seems pretty down on poly people so far, and I don't mean it to be so. I'm sure the group we missed would have been wonderful, and is perfect for many people in Minneapolis. The point I'm going for is that there really isn't a group that fits really well for me and Jenny. We want something inviting to everyone in a broad spectrum on non-monogamous relationships (from swingers to poly to soft-swappers to any number of non-traditional setups). We want something geared specifically towards younger people (18-35 year olds). We want something that attracts smart, hip people who think as hard about the world around them as they do about having sex. We want a group that can act as a resource for other young people or couples or groups that are starting to kick around the idea of re-shaping relationships.

There is a wonderful couple we've been talking to about creating this exact thing for quite awhile. Now we're going to do it. We'll be meeting up with them in the next week or so to really shape what we want this group to be and where and how and all that.

I'm excited, and Jenny is excited, and I'm really excited that Jenny is excited.

I'm excited not so much to meet new people to make out with, but to shout out to my city, "hey, here's what we do!" I'm excited to see who answers, "hey, me too!"

So. Who's in?


Anonymous said...

We are in. Just tell us when and where to meet.

M & C

Anonymous said...

I was JUST talking to my bf about wanting this same thing... and then I read this. Too bad I am in CA.