We forgot we don’t talk like this. A simple drink on an unimaginable weekend without a place to be. We forgot to stop at one drink, forgot we don’t look at each other the way we’ve been looking at each other, forgot to laugh off the looks the way we usually do.
So, we forgot. We forgot not to fuck. Like we fell into it, really.
See there’s this place that’s not called drunk but is all about drinking away the world around you. In the right dark room with the right candle burning on and going out between you and the right music and the right people saying whatever the people around you at bars say. There’s this smokey fog that has beat the smoking ban that can wrap around you, and so you’re just drinking with this other person, and so you’re just drinking at this other person.
We drank ourselves there, laughing until our chests hurt at jokes no one else would get or would think were funny at all. At first our legs would bump under the table and so we would move away and move back and away until one time we laughed right up against each other and stayed that way, our legs right against each other and bodies right there and far too close for two people who don’t like closeness.
One word about it would have ended things there. One laugh about the touching would have led to one more drink before we went home in opposite directions, but we forgot. We forgot to make the joke, forgot to stop the touching before we got closer, before we were laughing into each others necks, before we ordered one drink for both of us, sipping something like fire in turns because cheap was all the money we had left.
We weren’t drunk really, but the bar was behind us and we walked each other to my car in the snow, arm wrapped in arm, holding each other up to whatever force was working opposite.
I opened the passenger door and she climbed in with my arm still in hers, we slipped, we fell slightly less than half in, and tugged me in the rest of the way, reached to close the door behind. We slipped and fell, really, into fucking. Keys started the ignition of a car with no driver. She turned up the radio, we waited for warm. Snow covered the windows, fell like smoke around the car.
I remembered not to talk. We forgot all the things that we do not do.
I kissed her neck because it would have felt weird not to. She bit mine, just above the shoulder. I wrapped my hand in her hair, pulled her hair back to kiss down her throat, to bite her ear, to bring her lips up to mine.
The two of us, the two of us that almost never touched, couldn’t stop. Every part of me not touching her felt wrong, so very few parts of me weren’t touching her.
We forgot to feel weird about kissing, or remembered that it could have felt weird well after we started kissing, well after it didn’t feel weird. Well after it felt much better than weird.
She moaned when I grabbed her hair. I moaned when she grabbed my cock. The snow fell around us. For an awful, hungry moment we pulled apart. Jeans were tugged down around one ankle, jeans were unbuttoned and pushed down. I pulled her on top of me as hard as she pushed me under her and we were against each other again. My coat was open, but I kept my hat on.
We forgot about everything that comes before fucking. She grabbed my cock, pushed it between her legs, pushed herself onto it. She bit my neck much harder than before, kept biting until I pulled her head away. She moaned and kept straining against my hand. I pulled her hair hard, pulled her down on my cock. We moaned together.
We fucked in all the space we had.
While we fucked she punched the door, the seat behind me. She pushed her face against my shoulder, dug her fingers into my back.
Just before she came, she leaned back to turn the radio up. I pretended I couldn’t hear her. She forgot to really care. Climbing from me, her hand held hard between her legs trying to hold onto her orgasm, she pushed me across the seat towards the steering wheel. She reached up and grabbed the wheel as she took my cock in her mouth.
I came above the noise of the radio, and just under the snow of the car roof. She put her head on my chest and turned the radio louder. She left her head there one breath.
By the second breath we both started to remember. In the third breath we kissed quickly, and by the fourth the door was open and closed. There was a smile and a wave from across the parking lot.
So this didn’t happen, wasn’t close. This too, this especially, was forgotten.